


now that I love you, there's no turning back

by whatlighttasteslike (waitingforeleven)



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Academy Era, Experiments, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Kissing, experimental kissing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-30
Updated: 2018-11-30
Packaged: 2019-09-02 17:23:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,322
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16791391
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/waitingforeleven/pseuds/whatlighttasteslike
Summary: After a date goes poorly, Jemma proposes a simple experiment to her best friend to help her through it.prompt fill for the anon who requested academy fitzsimmons + Can I kiss you?





	now that I love you, there's no turning back

**Author's Note:**

> apologizes to the anon who sent me this prompt........over a year ago. *hides* I hope you enjoy!

The roaring music of the boiler room coupled with the euphoric post-midterm energy of its occupants should have left Jemma feeling more than thrilled to spend the evening playing pool and chatting about anything but exams with her best friend. But instead of celebrating the relief of finishing another set of exams on a high note—as was the norm for the two of them—all Jemma felt like doing was going over the lunch date in her head from a few hours ago in search of an explanation for its unfortunate ending.

Joseph was clever—well, not as clever as she, but enough to keep up with her in conversation—and a nice looking fellow. And as it was their third date, Jemma felt confident that things were going pretty well between them. Their lunch date after her last exam should have been the highlight of Jemma’s week, but instead, it turned out to be a rather sour note on her Academy experience. Joseph was kind in his explanation as to why he didn’t see a future for the two of them, stating that they should really focus on their studies. And Jemma agreed to an extent, but there was something off about the experience that didn’t sit well with her.

Sitting on a bar stool awaiting the arrival of her best friend, she went over the date again and again in her head, always returning to the last few minutes before she and Joseph parted ways. Deep in thought, she almost didn’t notice the top of Fitz’s head in the middle of a crowd of students. When she did spot him, his mess of curls still a bit wonky after studying with her until three in the morning in her dorm room, Jemma straightened up in her seat and waved him over with a half-smile. Seeing his bright expression helped lift her spirits just a hint, but she figured he would suspect her mood the moment he arrived at her side.

Without fail, he approached the bar and instead of pulling her into a bear hug, which was their ritual after finishing off another set of strenuous exams, he stopped short a meter away, his pleasant smile morphing into a look of utter concern. “You look upset.”

Jemma lowered her head to dodge his gaze.

“Was it that Joe guy?” he asked hesitantly.

Letting out a deep sigh, she looked back up and gave him a curt nod. “His name is Joseph, but… yes, unfortunately.” She waited for Fitz to settle into a bar stool next to her before she continued, lowering her voice so those in close proximity wouldn’t overhear. “He was the one that called it off. Whatever _it_ was between us.”

“I never liked him.”

“Fitz.”

“He was so tall. And tan.”

“ _Fitz_.”

“And annoyingly American.”

“ _Seriously_ , you don’t have to try to cheer me up,” she told him, shoving his forearm playfully. “I am perfectly capable of handling this on my own… inside my head.”

“Oh. Uh, alright… then.” He seemed a bit stunned by her determined tone, but agreed nonetheless.

“I’d rather spend this night having a splendid time with my best friend, thanks very much.”

“And a splendid time we shall have, then,” he replied, rising from his barstool. “I’ll get us beers, yeah?”

Through a bright smile, she nodded. “Sounds perfect.”

Once he was gone, Jemma slumped forward, the sea of couples surrounding her souring her mood no matter how hard she tried to stay positive.

It wasn’t that she was lonely. She was lucky to have someone she could always rely on to make her feel better whenever she felt down, especially someone whom she could confide in about all of her experiments and project ideas. But that didn’t stop her from wanting someone to make out with in her dorm, amongst other things.

It was a shame that it didn’t work out with Joseph, considering how well they seemed to get on. He found time to visit her in the lab whenever she needed to work late. And unlike some of the other guys she’d taken on casual dates who were rather put off whenever she even causally mentioned her best friend’s name in conversation, Joseph didn’t seem to mind how much she rambled on about chem lab and her intriguing partner. Even when he broke up with her, he seemed genuine about his reasons. Yet a part of her still felt sick to her stomach thinking back to exactly _when_ he decided to end things.

When Fitz came back with two beers in hand, his face fell. “I leave you alone for two minutes and you look like you just failed a chem exam.”

“Oh, it’s nothing.”

“ _Jemma_.”

At his raised eyebrow, Jemma could only sigh. “Alright, I’m not fine.”

“Did he say something?” he asked, settling in next to her. “About why?”

“A little. Just some things like how he knew it was never going to work out, which I understand, considering I’ll be graduating earlier than him.”

“But that’s not what’s troubling you?”

“No. It’s the timing.” When he gave her a puzzled expression, she leaned in closer. “At the end of our date, we kissed for the first time. Well, actually, I kissed him, really. He sort of just… stood there. So now I feel like…”

“Like what?”

“That _that_ was the real reason.”

Fitz screwed up his face. “He broke it off because you made a move? That seems a bit odd.”

“No, because of the kiss itself. What if he thought it was awful?”

“The kiss?”

“Yes, Fitz, keep up!” She rested her face in her hand. “I mean, I know I can keep up a conversation, so that’s not the problem, but once the physical part of the relationship develops…” She paused when his eyes slightly widened, and then cleared her throat before continuing. “ _Kissing_ , specifically. Anyway, I don’t know what happens.”

“Has this happened before?”

“It’s difficult to say when most of my relationships don’t move much beyond that. It’s not like every relationship I’ve ever had ended once we kissed, but then again, who’s to say that wasn’t the real reason? Oh, God. Fitz, what if I’m just awful at it?”

Instantly, he reached forward and gently gripped her shoulder. “Hey, you’re not awful, I’m sure of it. There’s little you can’t do, to be honest.”

“Then why does it keep happening?” she asked him, feeling dreadfully defeated.

He pressed his lips into a firm line before shrugging slightly. “Maybe you just don’t have a connection with them? Or maybe they’re intimidated by you because you’re at the top of your class.”

“I don’t know, Fitz,” she muttered, hanging her head to stare at her shoes.

“I wish…” he started, his voice trailing off into a whisper. “I wish there was something I could do to make you feel better.”

Jemma lifted her head up to find him looking at her with such a caring expression, and for whatever reason, a new thought suddenly entered her brain. She nearly kicked herself for not thinking of it sooner, so even with him reaching for his beer, she couldn’t wait for him to put it down before she blurted out what she thought was an absolutely brilliant idea.

“Can I kiss you?”

Her question triggered a coughing fit that left a good number of other students looking on in their direction, a mix of concern and confusion on their faces. When he finally recovered after Jemma gave him a few good pats on his back, he cleared his throat. “Sorry, what?”

“It could be like… an experiment.” She paused to swallow, the next words a bit painful to admit. “You clearly don’t have feelings for me of that sort, so you’re the perfect candidate to judge my kissing technique.”

“Jemma, I don’t know if that’s such a good idea—”

“Just one kiss,” she pleaded. “Maybe what I need is a good critique, and then I can find some other people to practice on.”

He sat in silence, clearly pondering the idea, while Jemma quite literally sat on the edge of her seat.

“You’re… sure about this?” he finally asked.

“Positive. But, of course, if you don’t want to…”

“No! I mean, _no_. Sorry, I’m not trying to be over-enthusiastic. But I’ll-if it’s what you want, then I’m sure I can help you with your… experiment.”

“Great! Should we get to it, then?” she asked, smiling much wider than she thought she’d ever be after the afternoon she’d endured.

“Wha-here? Now?”

“Well, not _here_ , exactly, but we could go somewhere else. Maybe outside?”

“Ye-Yeah, definitely, let’s do that.”

To Jemma’s surprise, Fitz intertwined his fingers with hers to lead the way towards the door, and she could already sense the eyes of her peers staring at them at such a sight. Hand holding was not something they ever engaged in despite their fierce friendship, so Jemma suspected, with a bit of a thrill, that maybe people assumed they were a couple. It wasn’t the strangest idea in the world, Jemma thought as Fitz weaved his way through the crowd, never letting go of her hand. And it certainly was something she spent a fair amount of time thinking about – how sometimes when she went on a date with some seemingly charming and attractive guy, she always found herself wishing she were back in Fitz’s dorm room talking into the wee hours of the morning about science, S.H.I.E.L.D., and everything in between.

As they continued to make their way through the crowd, she thought about the words she’d said to him moments ago: how he didn’t have feelings for her. At least, that’s what she thought. Even if he would never admit it, he did seem rather excited about the prospect of kissing her as well. And then there were her own feelings for him, something she’d never admitted to herself before. But now? She didn’t really know. 

Once they were outside and found a quiet place behind a large tree, Jemma could feel a flush blooming through her cheeks, a different sort of anticipation now making its way through her. Because maybe it didn’t have to be an experiment about just her kissing technique. Maybe… it could be something more.

“Is this alright?” he asked her, his hands fidgeting at his sides. “Much more private than the boiler room, but we could still find somewhere else.”

“No, this is perfect.”

He was avoiding her eyes, and from his stance, she suspected he was nervous, a similar feeling stirring in her own stomach.

“Sorry,” he said, “I don’t know how you want to go about—”

Whether it was her desperate need to know if she truly was an awful kisser or her newfound intense desire to kiss her best friend, Jemma would never be sure what suddenly propelled her forward with such conviction. Either way, before she had time to second guess her actions, she clutched her hands around the collar of his jacket, closed her eyes as she allowed herself to get lost in the moment, and found her lips now beautifully pressed against his. The sheer thought of kissing him was enough to send her mind into overdrive, and the feeling of his lips—frozen at the moment but still unbelievably soft—caused her heart to beat frantically inside her chest.

Knowing speed probably wasn’t the brightest tactic to explore when trying to judge one’s kissing technique, Jemma slowed her movements to an achingly gentle pace, allowing herself to ease more fully into the kiss with the hope that they would find their rhythm. Once Fitz seemed to register that they were in fact kissing and it wasn’t simply a dream, he moved his hands to her waist and pulled her in closer, making her gasp. There was something different about kissing him that she noticed instantly as she settled against him – an almost effortless way of fitting together, their lips moving in a graceful give and take that left her head spinning.

The kiss grew more and more heated, and when her tongue found its way into his mouth, he let out a barely audible moan and moved a hand to her hair. She truly didn’t want it to end, and in that moment, she realized additional subjects for her experiment weren’t going to be necessary. Because she didn’t want to kiss anyone else, not ever, and he seemed to feel the same way since he was very much kissing her now rather than the other way around, leaving Jemma slightly dizzy on her feet.

When she reluctantly pulled away, needing to breathe to steady herself, he stumbled backwards and pressed his fingers to his lips. “Sorry,” he said immediately.

Jemma chuckled, closing the distance he’d created between them and found herself clutching his collar once more. “Why are you apologizing?”

“I don’t know. I… I got a little carried away.”

“That’s alright,” she assured him. “So? How you would you rate my technique?”

“I would, uh…” He swallowed hard and gave her a half smile. “I would say you are definitely above average, possibly even at the top of your class.”

“Oh, that’s a relief,” she said happily, her hand finding its way to his cheek.

As he seemed to lean in to her touch, he looked down at her, biting his lip before letting out a shaky breath. “Jemma?”

“Yeah?” she asked, stroking her thumb across his cheekbone.

“Is this still part of the experiment?”

“I don’t think so,” she said softly. She looked to his chest, shaking her head. “Fitz, I think I know why things never worked out with anyone else.”

He tilted his head, a glimmer of curiosity and what she deemed was hope behind his eyes.

She let out a single laugh, a smile curving on her lips. “Because they weren’t you.” 

**Author's Note:**

> You can find me on tumblr at [mylifemyheartmyhome](http://mylifemyheartmyhome.tumblr.com)!


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